Headline Archives for April 1, 2005

Gun Guys News

• FL:  Proposed "Open Fire" Bill Passes State House.  Eager Gun Enthusiasts Prepare to Take "If You Could Kill a Person and Get Away With It..." Game Out of the Realm of the Hypothetical.   (4.1)
• FL:  Old and Busted: Your Home Is Your Castle.  New Hotness: The World if Your Shooting Range, and Its People Your Targets.  (4.1)
• FL:  Florida Decides to Rename Itself "Dodge City."  It'll Be Just Like the Wild West, Only With More Shootings and Fewer Horses. (4.1)
• PA: Governor Ed Rendell Relents!  Forms Commission to Examine Gun Control Measures to Help Abate the Bloodbath Brewing in Philly.  (4.1)
• DC:  Gun Lobby Opposes National Driver's License, Saying That it Might Reveal the Identities of Gun Owners to the Government, Disrupt Militia Group's Plans.  (4.1)
• AZ:  82 Year Old Has Three Words for Illegal Immigrants.  "Bring it On!"  Gun Toting Retirees Prepare to "Make a Mexican's Day." (4.1)
• Reminder:  "Pro-lifers" Bemoaning the "Culture of Death" Also Think That You, Your Child, Even Your Kitty Cat Should be Pistol-Packers.  (4.1)
• NC:  What the NRA Mentions: A Bill Designed to Prevent New Shooting Ranges From Opening in the State is Anti-Gun.  What the NRA Fails to Mention: That Shooting Ranges Are An Enormous Environmental Hazard.  (4.1)
• FL:  Visionary Editorialist's Modest Proposal. "If We're Going to Arm Teachers, Why Not Go All Out!?"  (4.1)
• NRA:  Looking for a Way to Tell Your Boss and Co-Workers "I'm the Kind of Guy You Don't Want Disgruntled?"   Look No Further  (4.1)

America's Shooting Gallery

• MO:  Man Sentenced to Prison After Shooting Himself With Shotgun While On Riding Lawnmower Sad to Discover You Have to Die to Be Eligible for the Darwin Awards.  Shouts "I Coulda Been a Contender!"  (4.1)
• FL:  Three Shot, One Seriously Injured After Shootout in the Woods of Florida.  Floridians Say "We Don't Need a Stinking Law to Open Fire!"  (4.1)
• TN: Four Teens Charged with Shooting Two Others in a Church Parking Lot.  Bible Edited to Read "The Meek Shall Inherit the Dirt."  (4.1)
• CA:  Man In Wheelchair Ends Argument With Wife By Shooting Her Twice in the Chest.  While They Drove on the Highway.  (4.1)
• FL:  Woman Shot Outside of Movie Theater.  That'll Teach Her to Talk On Her Cell Phone During the Picture.  (4.1)
• AZ:  Word of Advice...If You're Wanted for Shooting Someone to Death, Don't Show Up in the City Court.  (4.1)
• MD:  Man Shoots Wife and Another Woman.  This Domestic Dispute Brought to You By Handguns. (4.1)
• NY:  All the Hot Trendsetters Say That Malls Are the New Schools.  (4.1)
• KS: Sixteen Year Old Shoots Self in the Foot, Proceeds to Wax Popular Local.  Kids and Guns: The World's Premier Manufacturers of Tragedy.  (4.1)
• WA:  Jailed Man Charged With Suburban Murder.  Bail Set at One Million Bucks.  Wait a Second...He's In Jail and they Offered Bail...?  (4.1)