Headline Archives for May 4, 2005

Gun Guys News

• Embattled UN Nominee John Bolton Helped Hook the Haitian Government Up With the Guns They're Now Using To Cap Peaceful Protesters.  Another Great Victory For the "Culture of Life."   (5.4)
• UK:  Four From Belfast Arrested For Doing Business With Florida Gun Trafficking Ring.  Floridians Flouting the Rule of Law?!  What Next?  (5.4)
• FL:  Columnist Prepares to Move to the Land of Sun, Fun, and Uncheck Use of Guns!  Yes, That is a Pistol in His Pocket But No, He's Not Happy to See You.  (5.4)
• CA:  Spate of Highway Shootings So Bad It Warrants Its Own Dedicated Task Force.  Because You Needed Another Reason Not to Move to LA.  (5.4)
• CA:  On the Other Hand, Statisticians Say This is Just Business As Usual.  Um....Is This Good News or Bad News?  I'm so Confused.  (5.4)
• MS:  Those Liberal Communist Nazi Gun Grabbing Lunatics From Mississippi Have a Plan to Combat Illegal Guns.  Who Will Stand Up For the Right of Criminals To Keep and Bear Arms?!  (5.4)
• RI:  Bill To Take Guns From Convicted Wife Beaters Gains Momentum.  Come On!  Guns and Domestic Disputes?  What's theWorst That Could Happen?  (5.4)
• WV:  Godless NWO Order Lovin' UN Junkies Arrest Courageous Private Citizen For Possession of Machine Guns, Bullet Proof Vests...oh yeah and some drugs.  (5.4)
• MN:  Gun Lovers Complain At the Injustice of Not Allowing Concealed Weapons in Churches.  Because You Know Jesus Always Hit the Synagogue Packing Heat. (5.4)
• MO:  Gun Nuts Were So Eager to Pass Concealed Carry They Forgot to Fund It.  To Be Fair, They're Too Busy Organizing Militias to Focus On Pesky Details Like This. (5.4)

America's Shooting Gallery

• CO:  Man Waves Gun At Police, Gets Shot.  Wife Blames "Diabetic Shock."  Police Blame "Waving a Gun At Police."  (5.4)
• MI:  Father Shot In the Gut After Doing An Impersonation of the Guy From the Previous Story.  (5.4)
• PA:  Community Shaken When Deaf Mute Murders Sister and Brother-in-Law, Wounds Parents.  Locals Say "They Had Their Spats."  Well I Should Say So.  (5.4)
• FL:  Teenagers Are Either Getting Lazy or Less Blood-Thirsty.  Unloaded Guns Found in Florida School.  (5.4)
• MS:  "Oh...You Said Bring Your 'SON to Work' Day. My Bad."  (5.4)
• MT:  Husband and Wife Found Shot in the Head.  Police Suspect a Botched Murder-Suicide.  NRA Complains "Americans Are Muder-Suiciding At a Fourth Grade Level," Urge Education.  (5.4)
• WA:  Teens Claim Some Guy Randomly Walked Up to Their Car, Opened the Door, and Capped Their Friend. Police State Obvious, "Something Else Was Going On Here."  (5.4)
• CT:  Shootout At OK Motel!  Bystander Says What All People Say After Such Occurrences.  "I Never Thought It Could Happen Here."  (5.4)
• WV:  Woman Killed in Random Shooting.  Nothing Like a Game of "Eenny, Meany, Miney, Blow-Her-Away." (5.4)
• CA: Californians Urged To "Keep Perspective" In the Wake of Highway Shooting.  My Perspective?  Buy a Bicycle.  (5.4)