Headline Archives for April 13, 2005

Gun Guys News

• IL: State Senate Moves to Require People Buying Guns at Gun Shows to Pass Background Check.  NRA Bemoans Affront to Criminal's Rights.  (4.13)
• FL:  Florida, No Longer Content to be Known as Sunshine State, Considers "Murdertown USA" as Possible Name.  (4.13)
• WI:  Having Run Out of Deer to Hunt, Wisconsin Sporting Enthusiasts Turn Their Sights on Kitty Cats.  (4.13)
• AZ: Arizona Responds to Shooting at Bar By Pushing to Allow Guns in Bars.  Plan to Combat Air Pollution With "Hummers for All" Proposal.  (4.13)
• "Protection of Lawful Commerce Act" Would Provide Protection of Illegal Commerce.  NRA and Logic Divorce, Citing Irreconcilable Differences.  (4.13)
• Tom Delay Prepares for NRA Convention By Throwing the Gun Industry the Biggest Load of Bacon in the History of American Pork Barrels.  (4.13)
• ME:  Maine Decides That if You Want Something Done Right, You Have to Do It Yourself.  Plans Ban on .50 Calibers and Assault Weapons.  (4.13)
• VA:  Lunatic Fringe Protests Virginia Tech's Decision That People Shouldn't Bring Guns to School.  Say Guns Needed to Respond to "Liberal Bias."  (4.13)
• NRA:  Old and Busted, "From My Cold Dead Hands!"  New Hotness, "From My Well Manicured Hands!" (4.13)
• RI:  Proposed Law Would Prevent Chronic Wife-Beaters From Owning Guns.  NRA Plans to Fight For Rights of Drunken, Misogynistic Louts.  (4.13)

America's Shooting Gallery

• FL:  Two Families Celebrate "Fire at Will" Legislation By Starting the Craziest Fire Fight This Side of Fallujah.  (4.13)
• IL:  Shooting Victim Charged With Assault After Serving Attacker a Tasty Knuckle Sandwich.  (4.13)
• MS:  Suspected Shooter Found Dead From Gunshot Wound.  Irony, Gun Violence Announce Strategic Alliance.  (4.13)
• OR:  Attempt to Steal Man's Medical Marijuana Ends in Shootout, Cotton Mouth.  (4.13)
• NM:  Suspect Fleeing Shooting Crashes Car Into Trailer Park.  Embarrassed Suspect Says "Sorry, Force of Habit."  (4.13)
• NC:  Shooting Suspect Convicted in Shooting.  Talk About More Bang for Your Buck!  (4.13)
• IA: "Most of these guys who got these guns don't even know how to use them, so they just close their eyes and pull the trigger and you don't know who they're hitting or anything else."  (4.13)
• VT:  Man Convicted in Drive-by Shooting.  In Related News, They Have Drive-by Shootings in Vermont.  (4.13)
• MI: Police Search for Suspect in Shooting of Three Teens.  We Humbly Propose "Guns in the Wrong Hands."  (4.13)
• IN: 39 Year Old Man Faces Charges After He Goes on Suicidal Quasi-Rampage. (4.13)