THE GUN GUYS' HERO

Who lost his election bid to a dead man? Our hero.

Who put robes over the statues of liberty and justice? Our hero.

Who would rather prosecute pot smokers than find terrorists? Our hero.

Who sings about freedom, but takes it away from everyone else? Our hero.

Who flew on private jets in the months up to 9/11, but said,
speaking as the lead investigator of all investigations by the U.S.,
he doesn't have a clue why? Our hero.

Who prohibited law enforcement from checking to see if the 9/11 terrorists had purchased guns,
because he said it was their right under the Constitution,
but wants to spy on your local church gathering? Our hero.

Who would subvert a state's right by stopping terminally-ill Oregonians
from choosing a death with dignity,
but still can't catch the Anthrax terrorist? Our hero.

Who said he'd enforce the laws as they stood,
not enforce the laws in his fundamentalist, homophobic, racist little pea-brained head,
thereby lying at his confirmation before Congress and the American people? Our hero.

Please, let us introduce to you, our hero, John Ashcroft.

This cover, from the July 2001 issue of the The 1st Freedom,
the official journal of the National Rifle Association,
honors the Attorney General for his work on behalf of the NRA.

"When Eagles Soar, They Crap On Your Head." - Mike Magnum